My nicotine addiction started in my late teens, chewing tobacco. I never got into cigarettes. I loved everything about dip. The oral fixation, spitting, and ceremony of packing the can. Throwing in a dip in the morning to loosen everything up, after meals, in the car, and playing Call of Duty was my routine all through my 20’s. In my 30’s I like to think I managed it better. I would quit for a few months, but was always back on whenever the opportunity presented itself. I never developed any oral health problems, which always lingered in the back of my mind. I switched to nicotine pouches- which I believe are safer, but I find myself using more. I am going to have to figure that out.
Fast forward to today, last night rather. I am getting over some allergy symptoms, and my wife asked me not to go fishing in the morning. No big problem. It is transitioning to winter. I’ve fished hard all year. I can skip this trip. But I began to feel agitated. I didn’t lash out, but I also didn’t respond right away. Taking the time to process what was happening. The anxiety and agitation felt similar to when I can't get a nicotine fix. Holy smokes. I am addicted to fly fishing.
This must be a behavioral addiction, and behavioral addictions release chemicals in the body- namely dopamine. I know what I like. I am all about the initial strike. A rise, the indicator going down, a sharp tug. These are all heart stopping moments for me. That must be when I get my dopamine hit. I would say it is a ten second rush, and then I am out there chasing it again. This is about pleasure.
I am a planner, and fishing is always on my mind- constantly checking the weather, tides, and wind. Immediately after I finish a trip- I am looking for possibilities when to get out again. I am hooked. Even during family vacations, I am looking to see if there is water nearby.
Buying another rod or new waders is a must have situation for me. I have become irrational. Kayaks and inflatable boats dominate my mind. This can’t be healthy. I don’t think it has interfered with my work yet. Although I have built my career around being able to fish during the weekdays, and the post corona environment has allowed me to work remotely- which I have taken advantage of during fishing trips.
For the first 5 years of my marriage I didn’t fish. Which might have been our saving grace. Who knows what would have happened if I had shown my true colors. My wife seems relatively understanding now, and coming back from a fishing trip is just as enjoyable as planning the next one. I don’t know how this plays out. I have often thought that if I ever lose the ability to drive- life wouldn’t be as enjoyable. But I know it’s just the correlation of not being able to get out and fish.
I am going to have to keep an eye on it. I have heard of plenty of examples of hobbies having negative impacts on people’s lives. Self awareness is key. My biggest concern would be my relationship. Luckily, I married a woman who tells me exactly what’s on her mind, but it is up to me to listen and change.